I am David

Or at least hope to be.

There's two scriptural examples that really help me better understand faith.

The first comes from the Book of Mormon and is the story of Nephi going with his brothers to get the brass plates (ancient scriptures). What did they think of over the week long (or however long) journey from the wilderness to Jerusalem. Surely Nephi was praying for success. They finally reached Jerusalem and went about trying to accomplish what God had commanded them... they failed. Nephi's older brother nearly got killed by Laban, the keeper of the plates. Shouldn't God have helped them? They tried again. They gathered together all their wealth and tried to buy the plates from Laban; they expended all of their efforts. This time, they all nearly died and lost all of their precious things. Surely they asked, where was God? Hadn't He commanded us? Didn't He want us to have success? Why was fulfilling this commandment so impossible?

Yet noble Nephi did not give up; he tried again, relying completely on God for help and finally succeeded through a strange manner, being led 'not knowing beforehand the things he should do.'

The next example is king David. Here was a humble servant of God who was promised by the prophet Samuel that he would become king. He was even anointed to become such. He must have been glad, full of trust in God's promises. He did many great things: he killed Goliath, became a war hero, and won the hearts of all the people. He did not seek to become king over Saul, but served him diligently with all his heart. He loved Saul. Yet Saul became jealous of him and tried to kill him many times. He killed those who helped him, even killing priests who showed him mercy. He hunted for him mercilessly, and even though David spared his life two times, Saul continued to pursue him. David's wife was given to another, taken from him. He was forced to leave behind his best friend Jonathan, with whom he had shared such a strong bond as to make the heavens smile. He was forced to leave behind his own country, and live among the people whom he had fought against. At one point, he even had to feign madness to save his own life. He was slapped in the face for the kindness he showed to others, and despite trying to serve God, he suffered greatly.

Where was God in all of this? Did He not promise David that he would become king? And now he was alone, cast out from his own kin, estranged from his wife and his closest brothers, forced to live amongst enemies. His mentor and friend Samuel was dead. Where was God?

And yet David did not doubt, but he had faith. And the promised blessings came. They came over time and eventually he was crowned king. Even after this it took years for him to finally become king over all Israel. Indeed, after years of bloodshed, strife and intrigue, the full promises were finally realized and he became king as promised.


What I learn from these two examples is that what God promises, God fulfills. But sometimes it takes time. Sometimes we have to fight for it, tooth and nail, working out our guts while remaining faithful to our covenants with God, trying to exercise all of our faith and trust in God.

I have received many wonderful promises. Some I hold most dear: the promise that I will have success in work; the promise that I will find my sweetheart and "soon bring a young woman to the altar" and be sealed to the woman of my dreams; the promise of having the family I've dreamed of; and many more. Some of these seem so far away from me. Work is so stressful and I feel like I am drowning in failure. I cannot seem to get anything to work properly and it eats me and wears down my faith. I long for love; I long for a meaningful relationship and am trying to pursue that and receive much pain from it. That is one of the greatest desires of my heart and it hurts so badly at times.

And I remember these examples and try to exhibit and exercise the faith that these good men had. The promises of God are sure, and He will fulfill all He has spoken, no matter how impossible the dream or goal may seem. He has already fulfilled many promises; one that leaps to mind is the fact that I have a job--there was a time when I was seriously doubting this. I felt I would never obtain, that I would never get a job. I applied to so many places, prayed much, fasted, studied, etc. to no avail. Of course I could have done better in everything I did, but I was trying to put forth my best efforts. And God remembered Daniel, and I did obtain. He will do the same with the other promises and I will look back with joy on having obtained. The happiness I will feel then will warm my bosom on dark nights and I will be able to look back and testify that the Lord God does visit His people in their afflictions, and that He will fulfill all His words unto the children of men as they exercise faith in Him.

Job Fright

I've been thinking about the occurrences of this week and have gained greater anxiety due with regard to the future. When your boss and your boss's boss both are taken out of the company (eliminated position and will retire) it kind of makes you a bit nervous about the stability of your own job. I did receive assurances, however, that there shouldn't be any layoffs on the team level, just a change of supervisors.

Still...

It reminds me of when we all met together with the Chief Actuary and were talking about potential layoffs. I prayed to know if I would be laid off and got this warm fuzzy feeling, really distinct peace. At first I thought that meant, yes, I would be laid off, but in pondering it more, I now believe it means that whatever happens, the Lord will be with me and all will be well.

So I'm really not sure what will happen in the future. The recession is definitely playing a big role in this, and the potential for health insurance reform could effectively destroy our business, but there's still a lot to see what'll happen.

In thinking of it though, if I do lose my job, I'm not sure what I'll do. The Lord is good however, and mighty and merciful to save. In Him will I trust.

Now Abides Hunger

Today is fast Sunday which means that worldwide, members of the Church go without two meals (about 24 hours without food or water) and donate the value of those meals to what's called Fast Offerings, which is then used to aid the poor and needy.

Why fast?
The fast helps me to draw away from the world and focus on more spiritual things, allowing me to come closer to Christ and to God (see Isaiah 58 for some really great doctrine on the fast). It is a form of mighty prayer that allows some great exercise of faith.

The fast makes me hungry: it allows me to feel more of what people in need actually feel every day, helping me to be more generous in my offerings and charity, and helping me to remember that we are equals.

So what am I fasting for?
1) I am praying/fasting for my boss; I just found out that his job has been eliminated and his boss is being retired. That's kind of frightening for him as well as for me, which leads me to 2.
2) I'm fasting for myself and my other co-workers that we can keep our jobs. The economy's been bad for insurance (as well as everything) which means downsizing
3) I'm fasting for two of my co-workers so they can pass upcoming Actuarial exams (or at least that they're minds will be quickened so they can remember what they've studied/learned, etc.)

Overall, it is a wonderful experience of putting God's will above your own, submitting the flesh to the spirit, mighty prayer (each time I get hungry I try to pray/remember my purpose in fasting), and a beautiful way to remember and help the poor.

I remember when the Tsunami hit in 2004, the Church held a special fast asking members to pray for the victims and donate generous fast offerings. All of the money went to helping those in need from the Tsunami.