I went on a wonderful date this evening, but something that my date said struck me and has made me ponder. She started asking me about my family life, how it was when my dad remarried, how I dealt with it,* and if I had processed it. Have I processed it? Gotten over it? Fully healed and ready to move on?
That’s a good question, one of which I intend to study.
I had thought I had gotten over everything, but a recent experience told me I hadn’t. Certain things seem to trigger such a wallowing of sorrow and pain that threatens to completely destroy and overrun. I have wondered in the past whether or not I will ever fully get over “it.”
It’s more complicated than just myself, because the effects of my own history (not my cause, but what affected me) affects all of my family. I see the consequences often and sometimes it brings the pain of remembrance. I was talking with my sister the other day and she brought up something in the past I didn’t know about. I was very young at the time, and most my memories are blanked out during that time period. This might be good to not remember, but at the same time it’s frustrating because if I choose to forgive and to love and to try and heal, there are others who still suffer. I can work on a better relationship with the person, but others will not and might even be somewhat hurt that I’m working on healing and love.
C’est le vie.
I have wondered however, what I am, how my parent’s divorce, the troubles of my childhood, problems in the family, have affected me, how they now affect and how they will affect me.
I am a child of statistics. I have a higher probability of divorce, higher risk of a life of crime (I think I’m over that one :) ), etc. I am destined to fail. And I sometimes the lasting wounds…
Am I a child of fate, with no free will of myself?
I reject that! The law of attraction teaches me that if I believe that I am fated to some sort of statistical demise, that it will become a self fulfilled prophecy, and so no, I choose not to believe it.
I choose to believe that I can and will have an extraordinarily happy family life, that I will be able to rejoice with my spouse and hopefully with my children. I choose to prepare for that happiness now. I choose to go against the grain of the grinding probabilistic wheels and emerge victorious, unscathed except by the wounds that will remind me of my great victory, and the scars that are proof of my conquering.
Victory! Victory at all costs (I’m not really ranting but this is somewhat fun). I can and will have a happy family life, the life I’ve always dreamed of, the life I have longed for, pleaded for, fasted for, cried out for. I will obtain. I shall obtain. I have the promises of the Lord laid out before, it is only a matter of two questions: do I want it? YES! Am I willing to pay the price in faith and obedience? YES!
Let the heavens shout and the earth bound in joy I shall come off in victory. Victory at all costs! And the happiness and joy I shall feel will be sweet, exquisite, better than I have longed for.
Indeed I shall triumph over my foes, I shall triumph through Christ, the High Priest of good things to come. I love Him. His Atonement makes all this possible; it gives me the power to become, to overcome, to endure, to conquer, and it is sweet.
Have I processed it completely? Probably not. Will I ever? Yes; it’s only a matter of when. Why am I so sure? Because I choose where I am and where I will be. I choose to continue in the path of happiness and not to let the past rob me of my golden future. I choose to become a great husband, a loving father. I choose the choice I desire.
It still leaves me to wonder how to deal with the past. I was also asked if I would relive those days (she was talking about the nostalgia of childhood). How shall I deal with the past? I do not know, but I will study it. Perhaps, in the words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (an Apostle of the Lord), it is not good to go about digging up the wounds that the Son of God died to heal (I would apply this to my own wounds—why suffer my pains thrice?). Lots more I could write with this but I content myself.
I choose life over misery.
*my opinion is that we deal with it in different manners: for me I went with the Church, God, martial arts, video games, and learning to smile in painful instances—which creeps ppl out sometimes, like when I smile during a really sad scene in a movie, because it’s so perfectly sad! Of course it had to happen that way!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
The (Holy) Secret--not really secret :)
I studied the following principles after watching the documentary The Secret, a show about the Law of Attraction, about how everything that happens to us is attracted by our thoughts, feelings, desires, hopes, and actions—negative thoughts (focusing on debt, pain, etc.) will bring about more of bad things while focusing on good things will attract good. The film discussed having a vision of what we really want, desiring it, believing we will receive it, feeling as if we’ve already received it , using gratitude to generate positive emotions/thoughts, etc. I can’t saw that I agree with everything portrayed in the film, but there was a lot of truth to it.
Definition of the Law of Attraction, the law of the harvest, the law of restitution
Doctrine and Covenants 88:40
For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own; justice continueth its course and claimeth its own; judgment goeth before the face of him who sitteth upon the throne and governeth and executeth all things.
14 Therefore, my son, see that you are merciful unto your brethren; deal justly, judge righteously, and do good continually; and if ye do all these things then shall ye receive your reward; yea, ye shall have mercy restored unto you again; ye shall have justice restored unto you again; ye shall have a righteous judgment restored unto you again; and ye shall have good rewarded unto you again.
Alma 29: 4-7
4 I ought not to harrow up in my desires, the firm decree of a just God, for I know that he granteth unto men according to their desire, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction.
12 And it came to pass that after I had prayed and labored with all diligence, the Lord said unto me: I will grant unto thee according to thy desires, because of thy faith.
Romans 4
17 (As it is written,[speaking of Abraham] I have made thee a father of many nations,) before him whom he believed, even God, who quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things which be not as though they were.
18 Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations, according to that which was spoken, So shall thy seed be.
19 And being not weak in faith, he considered not his own body now dead, when he was about an hundred years old, neither yet the deadness of Sara’s womb:
20 He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God;
21 And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.
22 And therefore it was imputed to him for righteousness.
13 These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.
13 And the Lord God hath sent his holy prophets among all the children of men, to declare these things to every kindred, nation, and tongue, that thereby whosoever should believe that Christ should come, the same might receive remission of their sins, and rejoice with exceedingly great joy, even as though he had already come among them.
Alma 12: 14
14 For our words will condemn us, yea, all our works will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and our thoughts will also condemn us; and in this awful state we shall not dare to look up to our God; and we would fain be glad if we could command the rocks and the mountains to fall upon us to hide us from his presence.
--One writer put it this way, and I can’t remember who it was, if our thoughts condemn us, surely they can exalt us.
7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…
Mosiah 24 (these people were under terrible slavery by their enemies)
10 And it came to pass that so great were their afflictions that they began to cry mightily to God.
12 And Alma and his people ... did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.
13 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.
14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
16 And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage.
28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Doctrine and Covenants 90: 24.
24 Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.
Doctrine and Covenants 100: 15.
15 Therefore, let your hearts be comforted; for all things shall work together for good to them that walk uprightly, and to the sanctification of the church.
19 And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.
23 And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.
1 Nephi 15: 11
11 Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said?—If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you.
22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
15 Wherefore, I knowing that the Lord God was able to preserve our records, I cried unto him continually, for he had said unto me: Whatsoever thing ye shall ask in faith, believing that ye shall receive in the name of Christ, ye shall receive it.
31 Behold this is my will; ask and ye shall receive; but men do not always do my will.
James 1
5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
64 Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you;
65 And if ye ask anything that is not expedient for you, it shall turn unto your condemnation.
3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
22 And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.
Ether 12:6
6 And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.
Doctrine and Covenants 88
68 Therefore, sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.
69 Remember the great and last promise which I have made unto you;
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
9 Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.
1 Nephi 11
17 And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things. (all things can refer to not understanding trials, etc.)
24 He [Christ] doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him. Wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation.
10 Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works.
5 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, I beseech of you in words of soberness that ye would repent, and come with full purpose of heart, and cleave unto God as he cleaveth unto you. And while his arm of mercy is extended towards you in the light of the day, harden not your hearts.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)