I was driving home thinking about all of this, and the happy couples/ppl who should be couples at ward prayer, and got longing. I had just gotten off the phone with a guy at the party (party is a more efficient use of words) and asked him to make sure the new guy got directions to Family Home Evening tomorrow night. I thought Well, I'm just a great "nice" guy who's caring, considerate, gives up his seat for women (I was actually thinking maybe if I stopped being a gentleman it would up my chances for a meaningful relationship, but I diverge), all of which gets me respect, maybe some admiration and friendship.
Isn't that good enough? Don't you want those things? came the thought.
But I want to be loved.
And then this thought: "Am I not better to thee than ten sons?"
That made me think. The story of Hannah in the Old Testament is a very touching one. Here is Hannah, faithful, righteous Hannah who is married to the wonderful Elkanah. Hannah has no children, even though this has long been the righteous desire of her heart, and is in sore longing, especially at the time when Elkanah takes her, and his other wife/kids to the temple to make sacrifice. Elkanah sees the pain of Hannah, who year by year goes without her desire and is under provokement by Elkanah's other wife.
1 Samuel 1:7-8
"... she (Hannah) wept, and did not eat.
Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?
The answer that I give to the question, am I not better to thee than ten sons, (or rather, am I not better to thee than a wife) is yes . . . yes.
I won't go into all the reasons why, but my God, my Father . . . my Father, is so kind, and gracious; He fills me with life. He is the best comforter, the best counselor. He knows my deepest fears, joys, desires, despairs, longings and He loves me perfectly, despite all my mortality, He loves me with a love that is so deep and that is so pure that even glimpsing the minutest part makes my soul soar. I love Him. He has always been there for me, helping me through all my trials, even the ones I create. He is one of the only people who really, truly, and intimately understands me. The rest are deity as well, or perhaps other who I don't know about. But I value that so much--He understands the complete me, and I need not hide anything from Him, because it is His only desire to bless me and to help me become more like Him.
I do not understand nor fully comprehend that love, but it brings me to tears. His love is so strong . . . , so pure . . . , so profound yet simple . . . so Holy and unequivocal.
So yes, the answer to Thy question is yes.
And He has made promises unto me. Clear, definitive promises of a happy marriage, of the type of family I so desire, of fatherhood. Last August, He used the word soon (this was in a blessing I received in getting set apart for a calling). I was really excited for that. Soon is evidently not the year I was hoping it would be, but the promise is absolute and I will trust in Him.
I go back to Hannah's story. She prayed fervently, promising to consecrate her child to the Lord. She received a promise from the prophet and went on her way rejoicing. The promise was fulfilled and she fulfilled her vow, consecrating young Samuel (which can mean "God heard") to God--he became one of the mightiest prophets in Israel.
I cannot consecrate my wife to God--I'm not sure how that would work, but I can consecrate my family; consecrate and set my family apart, much like how Joshua asked the people to choose this day whom they would serve. I will serve the Lord. And I will work and labor to help my family to choose the same.
The answer that I give to the question, am I not better to thee than ten sons, (or rather, am I not better to thee than a wife) is yes . . . yes.
I won't go into all the reasons why, but my God, my Father . . . my Father, is so kind, and gracious; He fills me with life. He is the best comforter, the best counselor. He knows my deepest fears, joys, desires, despairs, longings and He loves me perfectly, despite all my mortality, He loves me with a love that is so deep and that is so pure that even glimpsing the minutest part makes my soul soar. I love Him. He has always been there for me, helping me through all my trials, even the ones I create. He is one of the only people who really, truly, and intimately understands me. The rest are deity as well, or perhaps other who I don't know about. But I value that so much--He understands the complete me, and I need not hide anything from Him, because it is His only desire to bless me and to help me become more like Him.
I do not understand nor fully comprehend that love, but it brings me to tears. His love is so strong . . . , so pure . . . , so profound yet simple . . . so Holy and unequivocal.
So yes, the answer to Thy question is yes.
And He has made promises unto me. Clear, definitive promises of a happy marriage, of the type of family I so desire, of fatherhood. Last August, He used the word soon (this was in a blessing I received in getting set apart for a calling). I was really excited for that. Soon is evidently not the year I was hoping it would be, but the promise is absolute and I will trust in Him.
I go back to Hannah's story. She prayed fervently, promising to consecrate her child to the Lord. She received a promise from the prophet and went on her way rejoicing. The promise was fulfilled and she fulfilled her vow, consecrating young Samuel (which can mean "God heard") to God--he became one of the mightiest prophets in Israel.
I cannot consecrate my wife to God--I'm not sure how that would work, but I can consecrate my family; consecrate and set my family apart, much like how Joshua asked the people to choose this day whom they would serve. I will serve the Lord. And I will work and labor to help my family to choose the same.
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